How do relationships start and last?
April 7, 2026 | Silver Spring, Maryland, United States | Archie Daco for Adventist Review
“How do you spell love?” a pastor once asked me.
Tentatively my mouth formed the letter “l.” It was obviously a trick question, and he cut me off as the sound was leaving my mouth.
“T-i-m-e,” he interrupted.
Relationships are founded on spending time together. Even the Bible defines eternal life as a relationship with God: “And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent” (John 17:3). Eternal life is knowing God!
The movies would have you believe that when you meet the woman or man of your dreams you’ll experience an emotion whose spelling begins with the letter “l.” But you can be sure that what you’re experiencing is not love; it may perhaps be limerence. You’ve met someone you’re attracted to. It’s a starting point. Now your frontal lobe ought to kick in so that you can get to know the person. It is in the time you spend together that you will grow to love them.
“And Pharaoh said, ‘Who is the Lord, that I should obey His voice to let Israel go? I do not know the Lord, nor will I let Israel go’ ” (Ex. 5:2). Pharaoh did not know God, nor did he want to, because he fancied himself a god!
If you’re reading this, you’ve likely been introduced to God. It’s a start. Now to love Him, you must get to know Him. “But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him” (Heb. 11:6).
Where Do We Go From Here?
Revelation 2 and 3 give us a prophetic timeline of the stages God’s church goes through. Each church received an affirmation, a rebuke, and an exhortation—all except Laodicea. The last church in the prophetic timeline receives no affirmation—only a rebuke and an exhortation.
Congratulations: you are “rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing” (Rev. 3:17). Oops . . . that’s not a good thing, because the rest of the verse says, “and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked” (verse 17).
Anyone reading this back in John’s day would have known that Laodicea was a very rich city. After an earthquake in A.D. 60, the cities in the Lykos Valley were destroyed and needed to be rebuilt. All the cities were restored with the help of Rome . . . except for Laodicea. Laodicea received no financial help, and was rebuilt by its own resources.[*] This was possible because it was rich and self-sufficient.
Yet Laodicea did not have its own water source, and for a while it imported cool water from Colossae, from Mount Salbakos. But being the wealthy city it was, Laodicea eventually built water aqueducts from a closer source, Baspinar, that fed the city—including a stadium, civic, public and religious buildings. Its water was lukewarm compared to the cool spring waters of Colossae; the healing hot springs of Hierapolis were far more desirable than the lukewarm waters of Laodicea. For all of its riches, Laodicea had no water supply of its own, and its attempts to import water yielded an undesirably lukewarm liquid.
The prophetic Laodicean church is in such an undesirable state that Jesus says He will “vomit [her] out of [His] mouth” (verse 16). Why would Jesus vomit, throw up, and spew Laodicea out? Because of her works: “I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot,” Jesus says (verse 15). Here’s the rebuke: “. . . and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked” (verse 17). Then comes the exhortation: “I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see” (verse 18).
Do we have the resources with which to purchase these wonderful things from God? No. Yet God tells us we can buy them: “Ho! Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat. Yes, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price” (Isa. 55:1). Jesus counsels us to buy of Him, but in every instance when we come to Him, He freely gives.
Matthew 11:28—“Come to me, . . . and I will give you rest.”
John 6:35—“He who comes to Me shall never hunger.”
John 6:37—“The one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out.”
John 7:37—“If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink.”
Revelation 22:17—“Let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely.”
Nothing in my hand I bring, simply to the cross I cling.
Jesus wants to give us the “gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see” (Rev. 3:18). All we have to do is come to Him and ask. All it costs is our pride and sense of self-sufficiency.
What Do We Do From Here?
Coming to Jesus is as simple as it is hard. Hard, because we must admit that we need help, and no one likes that feeling of helplessness. Simple, because all we must do is come to Him and accept all He offers.
“As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent” (Rev. 3:19). Two commands: first, be zealous, fervent, earnest, or passionate—and second, repent, change your mind and direction. Jesus invites us to be passionate about changing our minds as Laodiceans. Unlike Pharaoh, who refused to get to know the God of Israel, realize that for all your purported wealth, you “are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked” (verse 17). But don’t stay there; come unto Jesus to buy—with no money—what you cannot afford. “I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see” (verse 18).
We’ve met Jesus, and perhaps have found Him to be attractive. But that does not necessarily mean that we love Him—not yet. Christ invites us to abide in Him (see John 15:1-11) and really get to know Him. Social, intellectual, and financial affluence, busy lives, or indolence can prevent us from investing in the one relationship that matters most. Don’t let it. Do you want to grow in Christ? Allow me remind you: love is a four-letter word, and it is spelled t-i-m-e.
[*] See Celal Simsek and Francesco D’Andria, eds., Landscape and History in the Lykos Valley: Laodikeia and Hierapolis in Phrygia (Newcastle upon Tyne: Cambridge Scholars Publishing, 2017).
Archie Daco served as a Bible worker and colporteur in the West Coast of the United States and Hawai’i. He is currently pursuing a Master of Divinity degree.